When I came to, Maud had one of my shoe under my nostrils. I sputtered and gasped and asked her what she was doing?! She said that she could not find the smelling salts and ‘old time people’ always said that when persons fainted you were to let them smell their own shoe to revive them. “What!” I exclaimed. She grinned and said, “Well it worked! You are revived!” She helped me up from the floor where I had fallen when I fainted and I sat on the edge of my bed. All at once I remembered what she told me earlier that had caused me to faint and I started to cry. I still could not believe what Maud told me. No wonder I kept having those uneasy feelings I told her. I asked her how she knew what happened? She said that Reverend Julian had called her and told her what happened. “But I spoke with him today and he said nothing!” I exclaimed. “When he was talking with you he hadn’t heard the news as yet.” she said. “When he got the news he was calling your phone and you were not answering so he called me and told me. He said I was to tell you what happened and he will see you tomorrow." I held my head in my hands, I just could not believe that Cassie
had taken her own life! She not only took her life. Cassie also took the life of three of her children! Only little Conroy's life was spared! Maud then filled me in on the rest of the story that she had heard from Reverend Julian.
Cassie had stopped by the Reverend earlier in the day with the children, telling him that she needed to talk with someone because she was so stressed out and she didn't know what to do. Surviving members of the TreTre Gang had been calling and harassing her for money. They kept threatening her and she was tired of the constant phone calls. Reverend Julian said they were talking for about two hours, when she got a phone call and said she had to leave right away. When they were leaving, Conroy ran back to him and hugged him and asked if he could spend some more time with him. Cassie kept calling him but Conroy would not let go of Reverend Julian so she hissed her teeth, came, and grabbed him away from the Reverend and they all went through the gate. Reverend Julian told Maud that when the Police came knocking on his gate later he was surprised and shocked when they told him what Cassie had done. Cassie had taken the children down to the Kingston waterfront and according to the eyewitnesses, who claimed they saw everything, she lifted the children in her arms and jumped off the pier into the water. By the time they realised what she had done they jumped in after her to try and save them. The eyewitnesses said that Cassie fought them off and swam out even further into the sea with the children and that’s when they realised that she had also used a piece of rope to secure the children to her body. They only managed to save Conroy because somehow he had managed to loosen himself from the rope. Cassie was weighed down by the children and in a matter of seconds she and the children were beneath the water. The Police said the sea was rough and the rescuers did not want to take any chances with their own lives so they did the best they could to rescue Conroy. Cassie and the other children, sad to say, drowned. When the Police arrived on the scene it was a tearful Conroy who told them about Reverend Julian so they took him to Reverend Julian and told him what happened.
The poor babies! Courtney! Cuba! Cara! Oh my God! Maud started to cry and so did I. Maud was probably crying out of real frustration and sorrow but I was crying from guilt! Why did I treat Cassie so bad! I should have allowed her and the children to stay, I said to Maud, maybe they would still be alive! The poor innocent children! Maud tried to console me by saying that we had no guarantee about that because maybe the survivors of the TreTre Gang would have come to the house looking for her. That didn’t help me at all and I cried all the more. I cried and cried as I asked God to forgive me. When did I become so callous and uncaring I asked myself? Why did I not want to share what God has blessed me with? Now I will have to live with the guilt that my selfishness caused the death of four persons! "Change my heart O Lord!" I cried. "O Lord remove the borders that I have placed around my heart that has stopped me from loving Your people!" “Amen!” said Maud strangely. I dried my eyes and looked at her. “Are you laughing at me? It’s not funny! I am here praying genuinely and you are laughing!” “I am not laughing Ma’am, I am just agreeing with you in prayer!” she replied. It was getting late and I had work in the morning so I told her I needed to go to bed now. I knew I was being abrupt, and she knew it too. She said goodnight and got up to leave. As she was leaving I asked her to check on the dogs for me and make sure the gate was locked. She said "Yes Ma'am," and left.
Try as I may I could not fall asleep, no matter how hard I tried to keep my eyes closed I could not fall asleep! I reached for Charmaine’s diary.
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